well been playing COD sometimes but I still suck at it

maybe if you like to watch me suck check out the link

Here I played another game of COD

Ok so I bought Call Of Duty MW and it runs well on my computer

But I suck so much at this game I am most of the last in team

But I camp a lot and lazy to run to other parts

Here is a link to youtube I played like 45 min maybe you want to see it

My schizophrenia is getting better to handle I have still whole day voices but games playing I forget some hours I have voices but i have a new medication since december 2019 it called Amfexa you can read here a bit of it

I bought the game in dec for 40 euro then I bought a battle pass 20 euro then last week I need another buy with a battle pass another 20 euro is an expensive game I am not buying anymore fuck

OK that was it bey bey

I have been playing a game lately because I got a new computer and it does work to not concentrate on my torture I been years now only trying to defeat my attackers in a strange way with feelings

Check this out Division 2 or Game video

Maybe you will like it maybe not

I can say it sucks all the torture out of me and playing a game works with that

Hope you all be good

I am so much tortured last few months I dont know if you people have the same things as me but I think some of you are

I get a feeling from under my feet and toes like electricity it runs up to my spine and from that point I can not sit I can not lie down I can not concentrate I have the feeling I can’t fight no more against it and finally you (not me) suicide I have this all day I can not sleep either and if I sleep I dont want to wake up anymore cause of the feelings that go through me

And if you sleep to much for few day’s then you have real problems cause you don’t want to feel but the feeling is much heavyer especially when you have slept to much and that means you dont sleep much and wake up in trauma or shock or both because you are tortured it’s shock what you get in to

Its real bad now for me I use amphetamine for help against the torture and sleep and also I get in a mood where I fight against the voices to not kill myself, If you have trouble keeping alive try amphetamine or get from drugs drogist dexamphetamine works for me also

But amphetamine is opiate and against the law in netherlands and I asked my doctor for dexamphetamine because I also am ADD patient is like adhd and dexamphetamine is prescribed for that but I am allready since may this year trying to get that, and they dont want to prescibe it for me but I am also a schizophrenic so it can be that I get psychotic because of the amphetamine so no doctor psychiatrist is so good to just give me the dexamphetamine. I buy it now from the street for 20 euro for 2,5 gram and I dont have that much money ( if you want to help me donate to me please) because i need to eat too

I stopped smoking now for 8 months since may I can stop any drugs but because of the voices and torture of feelings I really need it

Hope you can live and care in life for yourself U need it me too

https://www.113.nl/

Cijfers over zelfmoord

I use electroneum you can add it on your phone with android look for the app on play store

Download ETN here

They use mining on the cloud so you don’t have to be online all time with your phone

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10205685497133861&id=1747827962

It is almost 2019 and I forgot what I been doin last 10 year I sit in my house 🏠 being tortured I go often eat with my parents but really that is the life for a decade now

I have nothing almost of money 💰 and this is a hard life, could be worse though (no house)

Is it normal for a.43 year old schizophrenic to be so alone all the friends I lost cause I can’t be seen like this ashamed is that I think

I hope 🙏 next year be better then last 10 year for everyone

Good christmas 🎄 and happy 😄 new year 2019 and for fuck sake stop smoking 🚬 again (I don’t)