It’s getting harder to live for life with the torture

I am so much tortured last few months I dont know if you people have the same things as me but I think some of you are

I get a feeling from under my feet and toes like electricity it runs up to my spine and from that point I can not sit I can not lie down I can not concentrate I have the feeling I can’t fight no more against it and finally you (not me) suicide I have this all day I can not sleep either and if I sleep I dont want to wake up anymore cause of the feelings that go through me

And if you sleep to much for few day’s then you have real problems cause you don’t want to feel but the feeling is much heavyer especially when you have slept to much and that means you dont sleep much and wake up in trauma or shock or both because you are tortured it’s shock what you get in to

Its real bad now for me I use amphetamine for help against the torture and sleep and also I get in a mood where I fight against the voices to not kill myself, If you have trouble keeping alive try amphetamine or get from drugs drogist dexamphetamine works for me also

But amphetamine is opiate and against the law in netherlands and I asked my doctor for dexamphetamine because I also am ADD patient is like adhd and dexamphetamine is prescribed for that but I am allready since may this year trying to get that, and they dont want to prescibe it for me but I am also a schizophrenic so it can be that I get psychotic because of the amphetamine so no doctor psychiatrist is so good to just give me the dexamphetamine. I buy it now from the street for 20 euro for 2,5 gram and I dont have that much money ( if you want to help me donate to me please) because i need to eat too

I stopped smoking now for 8 months since may I can stop any drugs but because of the voices and torture of feelings I really need it

Hope you can live and care in life for yourself U need it me too